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You know you're a redneck astronomer if...

by various Netizens on S.A.A.


(1) The most important part of your instrumentation is the pickup truck.

(2) You have a Tasco refractor up on blocks in the front yard.

(3) Your observing site would be perfect if it weren't for the alligators.

(4) You carry a shotgun to deal with skunks, raccoons, and streetlights.

(5) The counterweight on your Dob doubles as a spit can.

(6) You've used lard to slick those declination bearings

(7) Others at the star party complain about the smoke when you barbecue spam

(8) Yer Truck haz no tail litez cuz ya uze em to reed, uh, luk at da star chartz.

(9) Ya use Skoal cans ta pretect yer filterz. One blu n one red, frum ann ole pare uv 3d glazzez.

(10) Yer wiif won't spit out her chaw befer she cusses the guy driving up with hiz litez on.

(11) Yer new Neut uzez the inerds uf a poleshd hub cap az a primerry.

(12) Ya uze a spar 12 gage barrl an a uzed shel wit da primr nokkd out in da chambr fer a findher, ductaped ta yer skope.

(13) You start to giggle when you tell your buddies that you have a 16-incher.

(14) You ever wonder what your granny's truss has to do with building a telescope.

(15) You've ever tried to use your granny's truss to build a telescope.

(16) You nostalgically refer to Canis Major as Old Duke.

(17) You look at pictures of the Flame Nebula (or the Rosette) to get in the mood.

(18) You lie and tell your buddies the next morning that your red eyes are from drinking and partying rather than stargazing.

(18) Yours is the only mobile home in the trailer-park that has a roll-off roof!

(20) You have often wondered just what sort'a sound 12-guage double-ought buckshot would make as it fell down the tube and struck the primary (I've had neighbors that actually amused themselves by shooting into the air at night)! What goes up, must come down, right???

(21) You have the landlord thoroughly convinced that it's the drunk neighbor that keeps shooting out the street lights in the park ;-)

(22) You have actually been chased away from the eyepiece (and into the back of the pick-up) by a rabid cow (or bull--didn't stick around to find out)!

(23) During certain winter months, you always wear a bright orange vest while observing (just in case if you forget to put it on as sunrise approaches the next day)!

(24) You recently chose to install mud-grips on the back of pick-up, so you don't get stuck out at the sight anymore!

(25) A 30lb coon once cralled half-way into your big bag o' pork-skins laying on the ground--now he keeps the ol' head and ears nice and warm on those chilly winter nights! The rest of him made for a good pot of gumbo...

(26) At least one part of your telescope is held together with Wal-Mart brand black duct-tape!

(27) Your first thought while observing Sunday night was "man, I wonder if all this skeeter-dope on my body actually affects my adverted vision?"

(28) Your second thought while observing Sunday night was "Ouch! How in the world are all these skeeters still biting me after an entire can of Deep Woods OFF?"

(29) your deer rifle's scope is a TV-85, with an illuminated reticle eyepiece 'fer spottin' deer at night

(30) there's a CB radio mounted on the pedestal of your Dob

(31) you start to wonder how big a Dob you can build for the flat-bed of your eighteen-wheeler....

(32) You refer to a Nagler's apparent field of view as a "double wide."

(33) When you tell your neighbor that your telescope is a Newtonian, he asks "Newt who?"

(34) Your Daisy sight is usually found on your possum gun, not your telescope

(35) Your favorite object is moonshine

(36) You build an observatory next to your cee-ment pond

(37) You refuse to look at any constellation with the word "Borealis" in its name (think about it)

(38) You refer to Cygnus as the Yankee Cross

(39) Your dobsonian tube doubles as a whiskey still in the daytime.

(40) Your telesope or tripod has a holder for beer cans

(41) Your telescope has a decorative squirrel or raccoon tail tied onto it

(42) You have a slot cut in your accessory case for your an extra pack of chewing tobacco

(43) Your eyepiece caddy is the many pockets on your bib overalls

(44) You call meteors "them shootin' stars"

(45) You inquire about the feasibility of mounting a hunting rifle on your GoTo mounted telesope

(46) Your telesope or tripod has a holder for beer cans

(47) Your telescope has a decorative squirrel or raccoon tail tied onto it

(48) You have a slot cut in your accessory case for your an extra pack of chewing tobacco

(49) You put the wheels back on the house to go to a star party.

(50) Your relatives buy you a Big Chief writing tablet and a brand new Bic for "photographs" when you go.

(51) You have to put a fence up to keep the livestock *out* of your favorite observing spot.

(52) Your family still thinks you ought to be able to see the U.S. flag on the moon with your telescope. The damn commies flew up there just to steal it.

(53) Your family giggles and turns red when you say "Hubble"

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